Volume #18: Can Prioritizing Yourself Make You Less Resentful?

It’s no secret that resentment is bad news for relationships. But living with resentment in relationships also has a negative impact on motivation, productivity and personal fulfilment.

I know this all too well 🙄 After work recently, I was tidying up before a workout when I noticed that my husband hadn’t made the bed. We have an agreement that the last one out of bed makes it.. so why didn’t he? 

Torn between upholding my own (rather high) standards of tidiness and a righteous anger that this task hadn’t been done - I never skip making the bed, after all - I stood there, building steam. Then:

• I made the bed… There, now I can relax.

• Changing my mind, I un-made the bed… Why should I do more?

• More upset than ever, I re-made my half of the bed… Ha! 

Cue: organizational rampage. I continued through the house, funneling anger into cleaning, scrubbing, and tidying. I forgot about my workout. I forgot why I even started. I kept going until my husband walked in, looking truly frightened, and I realized that this was not how I wanted to spend my evening.

Lesson learned? Living with resentment makes you question why you do what you do as much as what you do. Over time, holding on to resentment ultimately disconnects you from your higher purpose in life and the people in it.

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Fortunately, there is hope 🙌🏽

Resentment is essentially an emotional burden that builds up in a relationship over time when your expectations don’t align with the other person’s behavior. It takes time to build, and it takes time to dismantle - but it is possible to live without it.

Generally speaking, there are two types of strategies that you can use to resolve resentment - both are effective, and it’s usually most helpful to combine them:

• Work with your partner to address the underlying issues

• Focus on fulfilling yourself and your personal priorities

Which is the best for you? It depends on a few factors…